1096 is just only a number!

 

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1096 days for today and part of me can’t believe the fact that I have already shared a thousand days with you. For we are constantly praying an existence together, never being apart, we have many years to go together.

This is not either to praise you for being with me, or to praise me for being with you or not even to praise our relationship for we are making it up to now beating odds. I thought the idea of praising all of this is way too conventional. Because nobody wants to speak the stark reality behind their relationships. But i do today!

In my story, we don’t get to hold our hands technically every day. Not even once a month. I only get to see him once a year (hopefully). That’s only for two three weeks. Yes, we are in a long distance relationship. Life is hard, especially when you don’t get to see your significant other so often. Mobile phone is the only thing that holds us tight to each other right now. Thanks to WhatsApp, we are on the go. Daily. Through battles and tantrums.

I often lead myself to question why did I choose you in the first place. The reason I started falling in love with you. The reason for me getting butterflies in the tummy when I see you and why I’m crying like a freak and acting as a psychopath most of the time. The reason when he is concerned, I unconsciously go mad and wild.

No fabrications at all! We might have been fighting so hard approximately 850 days out of those 1096. I think most of the time, it was not ‘we’ but ‘me’ who has been constantly going mad and acting wild. Being so heartless and ruthless all 24/7, I think I can easily get the ‘ruthless girlfriend ever award’, if there’s a one. And I don’t really know whether my man is enjoying it or now he is used to these dramas. May be he finds it hilarious by the time.

But you should know, that I love you still as same as the day I started loving you. That I care about you as I did exactly three years ago. You are probably not the best boyfriend in the world. Neither I expect you to be so. When I started this, I already knew that you wouldn’t be so either. Because I started loving you knowing all your flaws. I started loving you knowing in which points you can’t go so strong and in which parts you cannot act so bold. May be that’s why I’m still holding on to you and never letting you go. That’s fine!

The more time passes, the more flaws we got to see in each other. At first our love was totally blind. It was like, ‘’ whatever you like, I like it too ’’. We beautifully bore up each other’s greatest faults and dumbest jokes. But today, we stand at a point where we tend to criticise the blunders of each other and telling it to the face even if we know the hurt. We accuse each other for not showing enough love and care. We complain each other for not listening and understanding. We blame each other harshly and meanly. Knowing that I hardly can imagine a life without him, I would never hesitate to say that I don’t want him in life and that I’m better off without him. That I can live alone a happy life and I don’t want to deal with his shit, and shutting my phone for hours and doing many other dramas.  And deep inside still waiting for a message from him, so that I can start a new fight. Love has become so complicated as well as life.

I would voluntarily tell him a ‘sucker’ with no any second thought. But still sending him messages after some ten minutes or so telling that how much I miss him and how much I want him in life. We have lost that innocence and immaturity that we had in the beginning and replaced with anger but constantly with love.

As the days go by, I get more and more attached to him. I know that I can live without him, but probably not a better life. It would be mundane and so sucking without him! On this 1096th day he has already turned into my daily boost. It’s just I can technically have, but cannot imagine a day without him even though he keeps me pissing off on a daily basis.

I mean that’s all fine. We learned a lot from this. We earned a lot and lost a little as well. One time sucker is one time my magic wand to happiness and smile. It’s just I don’t possibly want any days and nights without him.  It’s just so much of love and possession turning me into a ruthless girlfriend. It’s just wanting his attention all the time and craving him only for me. That I want his eyes only on me and wanting to be the only woman exists in his world. It’s just getting stronger day by day, me going back to him no matter what.

It’s okay. Let’s be like this until it gets better. Until we get a time to spend all night and days side by side. Technically. I miss you so much. And I know that you are not going to learn the lessons. And you will still be doing all such blunders on a ground where I would swear that I don’t want you in my life but keep forgiving you like always. And me as well. I would still be continuing complaining, whining and putting up severe fights with meanest words. But you will still be going patient and loving me as you have ever done. Or more than that.

Don’t ask me what is love and what people do when in love? You can’t ask me whether love is real or blind. Whether a mere sensation or a sparkle for life? I have been there everywhere. I have felt everything for you. The good and bad. Vibrations and butterflies. Fire and calm. Every single thing. I wonder what time has done to us. That it has brought us this far. Now I know, world is not a better place without you. It will not be the same if I don’t get to live with you.

I still remember that when we first started talking, you put a status on Facebook, just telling that ‘ when you find the one that God has really made for you ‘. I don’t want to analyse how far true and accurate is that. Because we are proving it every day through smiles and tears. Together! Forever!

 

 

 

 

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